Chapter Text
Korey doesn't remember how it started originally but they do know it starts with a nightmare of falling, of their bat-like wings failing them in the middle of a battle as they tumble to the ground. It starts with the silent sobs and the shaking of their shoulders as they sit in the middle of their circle bed with two worried hands touching their one flesh and one metal hand and the other two worried hands wrapping around their shaking shoulders in an attempt to calm them. It starts with Korrina Kokonadashi staring at themself in the mirror in the bathroom that feels too big for three people, staring at the giant scar down their face cutting through their mouth and the one going straight through their left eye rendering them blind. It starts with Korey running a hand through their roughly chopped curls and frowning at the roots showing through the bleach. So they frown and dig the green hair dye out of the cabinet and get to work on covering the blonde hair and fixing the rough chop. And that's where Es finds them in the morning, in the bathroom, cleaning hair dye out of the shower. And their spouse laughs as they help clean up and then they get breakfast started for their girls and Korey really likes this life they have.
The nightmares start again and it's the same cycle over and over again and Korey wants to scream and cry and punch something (or someone. Preferably Jayson or Vanitas. Or maybe Silas. But those three are dead so Korey sticks to punching bags and covering up their eye bags with makeup and fake smiles) Falling. Sinking. Crying. Digging crescent shapes into their arms as they sob and beg for the nightmares to end. It’s their fault the city burnt down and is now a pile of ashes. It's their fault those people lost their lives. (deep down there's a voice telling them that's not the truth. Their spouses say it's not their fault. Their family says it wasn't their fault but it doesnt change the thousands of unmarked graves and the blood on Koreys hands and the dirt under their nails from the graves they dug because SHE wouldn't dig them. Korey is falling off the deep end with no rope to tug them back up. But someone does tug them back up eventually. And Korey lets themself fall apart in their lovers arms as they spill their guts to them and all they do is hold korey as they cry and korey is so very grateful for them and their infinite amount of patience and love and care they have.)
Falling. Sinking. Watching. Drowning. Korey feels like they're drowning. And they can't stop it. There's no life boat to catch them from drowning. And just when they think they've climbed out and hit the surface they get dragged back down again and the cycle of falling, sinking and drowning. (Korey knows they should go to therapy but no one would understand their trauma. Not even their family knows how deeply rooted HER poison is and korey doesn't want them to know. They would much rather let it sit and fester in the pit of their stomach rather than talk about it. But korey knows it'll spill into their words and taint them an angry red and make them hurt. Korey can't help but shove it down anyways. But then it bubbles over one day in therapy when their brother in law Mikey forces them to go and Korey gives in because they hate to see Mem so sad and korey would do anything for her and Es and their kids. Korey is a helpless romantic and they can't help the huge grin on their face when Mem and Es smile at them and press soft kisses to their scarred face and Korey descends into giggles.)
Falling. Sunken. Drowned. Korey is not sure if they can be saved. They want to believe they can be saved. They remember a small town in Spain. One with an altar that people prayed to them at. They remember blue hair, blue and pink, many people with blond hair, many people with brown hair, too many people with different hair colours and eyes, and a bottle of pomegranate wine set delicately in a basket of dark chocolate and jars of nightshade, belladonna and mugwort and precious gemstones. They remember the altar being decorated with fresh flowers, each one handled with care and four layers of gloves. And then in a split second the memory flashes and Korey wakes up. They wake to a colorfully painted ceiling with ribbons spiraling down and laughter outside the door. They listen for the little pitter patter of tiny socked feet and Chilea’s endless giggles as Es chases her and Caleigh down the halls. They hear Luna's groans at the sun as Mem laughs and she pads carefully down the hall to the kitchen. They hear a door open and close ever so gently and they smile as they slide off the bed and grab their prosthetic leg and slide it on carefully and stand to get ready for a long day of work on the farm.
Fallen angel. Sunken ship. Drowned child. Korey doesn't have the energy to get up. So they stay and they plant their roots in people and hope to god people don't see the bags under their eyes that they cover up with makeup and the gray hair building up in their curls that they cover up with hair dye, pretty bows and cowboy hats. They hide it behind saccharine sweet smiles and sickly sweet venom dripping from their words. They hide it behind punches aimed at sandbags and false prophets that spread lies about them. Korey knows better than to hide sh*t from their family but they do it anyway. They hide and hide until it bubbles over and explodes into angry tears when they hide away in their office and Korey can't help but cry when eventually they spill their guts to their family. And all Layla does is hug them close and no one in the family judges them for it. And Korey thanks every god that watches over them that they were given a second chance to have a family who cares a whole lot more than their old family ever did. And Korey can see how much they have grown and how much their family has grown.
Korey is an anomaly with many titles both good and bad. Korey is a pirate king with a good crew and an island of people who adore them. Korey is a fallen god with broken wings and a broken body with a cunning smile and a god's blessing running through their veins. Korey is a sunken ship on fire filled with nothing but spite and unsealed anger. Korey is the drowned child Katya found in Russia in the river with a broken arm and a metal spine. Korey is the broken child that showed up at Layla's doorstep with two kids. But most importantly they are a spouse, a mother and a loving friend who is free to joke around. And Korey laughs freely now. They laugh and playfully wrestle around with their brothers. And korey likes being free now. Korey likes not having a god's hands digging themselves into their chest and hurting them. Korey has full freedom now and they love making music with their band and getting back into making clothes and upgrading their families wardrobes. Korey loves cultivating a farm of fresh fruit and vegetables and the secret greenhouse of poisonous flowers that their spouses don't know about and Korey grins as Chilea and Luna chase the sheep back into the pen and Caleigh gives a cow slobbery kisses. Mem smiles from her seat on the back porch and Es steals Korey’s cowboy hat with a sly grin and Korey laughs and kisses them softly as they spin in a dance. Luna snaps a picture of her three parents dancing and Chilea grins as Luna sends the pic to the main group chat and Korey rolls her eyes at their kids descending into giggles and Es chases after Luna with a grin on their face as Korey laughs and heads inside with their wife to get lunch started.
And now they are holding themself together with spite, rage and sadness. And now here they are watching their life fall apart as Illiya makes an appearance in their life again and Korey bites their tongue as the ice nymph sweet talks her way into the family but thank the gods their family doesn't fall for the sugar coated lies and sickly sweet smiles. Korey is falling and praying for someone to catch them and Korey hopes someone can catch them as they fall. And then finally someone catches them and Korey learns that not everything can be solved with a couple of vials of poison or a quick witted sentence. Korey knows people worry about them. But they're alive and healthy and going to therapy and keeping up with maintenance on their metal arm and leg. And Korey knows that the angry words they spill towards Illiya don't help their case but after telling their life story to their family, they are oh so glad to have people on their side. People who love them for who they really are instead of the weapon that everyone else sees.
And then comes the matter of breaking the contract between them and Illiya begs and pleads for them to keep it but Korey cant keep being the one whos never gains anything out of this f*cked up contract. So Korey cuts the contract binding them in half and they watch as Illiya sinks to her knees and sobs. They shake their head and walk away as she begs them to reestablish it. They pull their neon green curls into a ponytail, slip their black helmet on and get on their bike. They drive back to their farm and throw them self into caring for the farm animals and cleaning up the weeds on the farm and caring for the fruits and vegetables. And eventually their mana returns to them and Illiya goes back to Russia. And Korey forgets about the incident and then the world they know is attacked by angels and Korey feels a sense of fear wash over them as Layla sends all the children to their farm, the farm they swore no one would know about and yet here they are breaking that vow to protect these kids. But it's fine because korey knows the kids won't blab but the adults will try to find a way onto the farm they keep so close to their heart.
The worry builds up in their chest as the kids play carefree in the vegetable fields and they cant help the want to leave and go join the fight. But they made a promise to protect the kids. So they double check the dome barrier and set up defenses around the farm and they make sure the kids have all the snacks and drinks they want. And if Layla calls Korey later to scold them for sending the kids home all hyped up on sugar? Then that's a problem for tomorrow. For now, Korey puts a smile on their face and they let the kids help with the farm work. For now, Korey just keeps the dome up around their farm and they shove their worries down into a box. They can't let these kids see them worried. Korey wants so badly to run and help. It constantly flashes through their mind. The need to run out the door, disappear into a sea of green smoke and reappear on the battlefield swinging their rainbow sword into the backs of angels and throw healing words towards their friends, lingers in their chest as they watch over all the kids playing with the sheep. But they can't so they stick to watching and cleaning up around their house in an attempt to retain some of their sanity.
